My Childhood Dreams Came True (But I Didn't Really Realize It Until Now)
Have you ever heard the saying "Sometimes what you're looking for is right in front of you"? Well it was only recently that this statement has sunk in. It's not happiness, love, or money that I'm talking about. (But honestly, a part of me wishes I was talking about the last.) What I was looking for was the validation on whether my goals were met or not.
Truth be told, the answer is no. Misleading title, amirite? But I mentioned dreams, not goals. For me, those are two different things. Goals are specific, tangible agendas with action plans. Dreams, meanwhile, are romanticized visualizations of what we yearn for in life. I'm going to talk about the childhood dreams that I didn't fully recognize until today.
The Internet Story Of This Morning Glory
As I mentioned in my About page, the Internet and I go way back. (Wow, close kami, teh?) It was were I played these flash games that I spent hours on. Back then, I waited for 5-minute YouTube videos to buffer for at least 30 minutes. Youtube back then was this jaw-dropping innovation where people shared 30-second non-equiturs viewed over at most 25,000 times.
At 11, I wanted to be an actress. There were websites for talents who wanted to look for work, so I signed up for a couple of them. Honestly, fate has only brought me to acting a few times through sporadic acting workshops, student films, and rejected auditions. A part of me is still sad that it hasn't worked out so far, but I'm open to it shall I get a really good chance. I'm still very happy to be the Wicked Witch of the West back during our workshop's rendition of The Wiz.
Also at 11, I also joined several fandoms when "fandom" wasn't even a word. I googled forums and groups dedicated to my fave shows, films, and bands... Oh how I miss bandoms! While looking for a group of like-minded fans, I also discovered fan-made creations. Seeing other fans draw my fave characters and band members brought me so much joy!
I then found communities that had tons of artists and writers create fan work. As a 12-year-old, DeviantArt was heaven! It inspired me to create memes, art, and drawings. Part of this hobby taught me how to play with Photoshop–a skill I'd master later on. Soon, I was photoshopping the Sims I created into this Freewebs-hosted site I created for my Sims 2 movies. Since then, I moved on to justgirlythings-esque posts on Tumblr, and whatnot... Long story short, I created. Until this day, I still do.
So What Was My Dream?
By now, you'd probably think "Oh, your dream is to waste your time around the Internet". But thinking clearly and looking back, I define my unwritten goal as to create my ideas and share them online. I feel validated when I see notifs of people commenting on how awesome my work is. Critics may call this feeling self-serving and ego boosting. But as a creative, even if we do mediocre things, we know we're doing something right. A creative's high is a very unique kind of satisfaction. Whether I drew Star Wars chibis, reimagined my Anne Rice vampires, Sims machinima of My Chemical Romance songs, the root activity is creation.
How Is It True Now?
As I was renovating my website, I tested out the features that go along with Squarespace's business plan. One of them was my own custom domain e-mail, powered by Google. I thought of a good e-mail I won't go fickle about later on... So I settled with my name, LOL. It was redundant because my name was already the domain itself, but at least it's easier! After I completed the process, I finally felt like my re-branding is totally coming full circle.
But deep in my mind was a lightbulb of the past. A little bird inside told me, "This is it! Here you are, a 20-something working as a creative with your own website, your very own e-mail, and an online presence!" What my younger self thought was impossible, is now a reality.
Before, I had a lot of resistance towards making this dot-com (or dot-art!) a reality. "But paying for a domain is expensive," my younger self would say. Little did she know that 12 years later, her older quite-wiser self would even play around with the domain suffix. The best part is, it fits her branding! Another thing I wouldn't have thought of before is combining my blog and portfolio into one place. Back then, I have separate sites for my blog and art: LiveJournal and DeviantArt, respectively. Thanks to Squarespace's design options, I can keep track of them only on under one website only!
My numbers have yet to prove otherwise towards being an "online presence". But right now? I'm very happy I get to make my subconscious dream of content creation a reality.
Are any of your childhood reams happening now? Share it with me below!